


I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

by Songs_and_fairytales



Category: British Actor RPF, Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/M, I promise there's a happy ending, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23881618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songs_and_fairytales/pseuds/Songs_and_fairytales
Summary: "Matt stop." She begs him as she turns to see him getting down on one knee. "Please don't do this." She pleads as his brow furrows at the sight of tears pooling at the edges of her eyes.
Relationships: Alex Kingston/Matt Smith
Comments: 7
Kudos: 26





	I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Colin Hay's "I just dont think I'll ever get over you" 
> 
> If you havent heard it, I highly recommend a listen. It's a beautiful, heartbreaking love song.

The door slamming shut. That's all she can hear. Over and over and over again. Nothing else seems real anymore. Not the sound of the rain rapping against the window or the record player running an endless loop on a record that ended long ago. She can't tell anymore how long she's been sitting there crying, how long she's been replaying that last conversation with him in her head. 

_ "Matt stop." She begs him as she turns to see him getting down on one knee. "Please don't do this." She pleads as his brow furrows at the sight of tears pooling at the edges of her eyes.  _

_ "Alex?" She kneels down in front of him and reaches for his face, trying desperately to explain herself without words, with a mere touch. But she knows it's pointless. She knows she's making no sense. It's not like this was completely unexpected. They'd been together for four years, their families holidayed together, they lived together for God sakes. She knew this was coming, but suddenly him kneeling before her in his best suit, with candlelight and her favorite record playing, it just felt like too much.  _

_ "Alex sweetheart." He cups the hands on his cheeks and pulls her closer. "What's wrong?" His eyes dart violently from side to side, as if the sudden shift in focus will somehow make the sight of Alex in tears make sense. And he wants so desperately to understand, he thought they were on the same page. He thought she was ready. He'd asked if she was ready. It had only been a month since he'd asked and now he's kicking himself for feeling the need to plan this whole elaborate night, for taking his time finding the perfect ring for her, for making sure he'd asked her family for their blessings. He should have whisked her away the very moment he'd told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and she'd said the same.  _

_ "You have to leave." She says with a conviction she didn't know she possessed. She drops her hands and pulls away from him.  _

_ "What?" He leans back on his heels and tries to understand what she's saying, because those words made absolutely no sense to him right now.  _

_ "You have to go Matt." She's standing and walking towards the kitchen. She can't look at him. She knows if she does she'll lose her nerve.  _

_ "Alex." He sounds so defeated, but she can't bring herself to comfort him. She can't explain. Not now. Not when she doesn't understand it herself.  _

"NO." The door slams shut again, but this time it's not a memory. It's actually Matt storming back through the door soaking wet.

"Matt!?" She can't believe he's back. That he's really here.

"YOU DON'T GET TO TELL ME HOW I FEEL." He's vibrating with so much anger that she's sure he's about to spray water droplets like a dog shaking off after a bath. 

"Matt I--" he cuts her off before the sound of her pain can diminish his fury.

"No! You listen to me Alexandra Elizabeth Kingston." He can see her trembling as she stands from the stool at the island, but he's not ready to let go of his rage yet. 

Alex braces herself. 

"I love you!" 

That's not what she was expecting and somehow it feels even worse. 

"I've been in love with you since the moment you teased me at that damn table read and giggled at the way I blushed." She feels herself starting to crack.

"I fell so madly and truly and deeply in love with you that I'd do anything, literally anything you ask me to." He's still standing across the room but Alex can feel his presence.

"I'm so fucking in love with you that I was ready to walk away tonight because you fucking asked me to!" She can feel the way his emotions have filled the distance between them.

"But there is no way I'm leaving you because you're scared!" She can feel the way he sees her, the way he loves her, and it's too much to bear.

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll leave! Tell me. Because that's the only way you're going to get rid of me." She breaks down and starts sobbing and she hates herself for it. 

She hates herself because she knows he'll come running to soothe her, to make everything better, and he does. In less than a second his arms are wrapped around her so tight she can barely breathe.

"I love you!" She stammers out through desperate sobs and shakey breaths. "I love you okay! I'm sorry I was scared." He pulls away just enough to press his lips to her temple. 

"I know." He mumbles into her. "I love you so much Kingston." He says the words directly into her temple, as if saying them there will somehow help them get through her thick skull and lodge themselves firmly in her brain. 

"I'm sorry Matt." She pulls away to look up at him. Her tears have subsided enough to explain, but she can see the ones he's holding back. "I'm just so scared of how much I love you, how much you love me. I'm so scared of what marriage will do to us." And she truly is. She's lost too many people to that horrible thing and the fear of losing Matt…

"I can't bear to lose you."

"I understand love. We don't have to get married." He pulls away and cups her tear stained cheeks in her hands. "Just please please don't ask me to leave." His own tears have returned and he tries so fiercely to keep them at bay long enough to finish his request. "We don't have to get married. Just please." His palms tighten and he can feel his whole body tense as he continues his plea. "Please don't ask me to leave. I just don't think I'll ever get over you."

There are no words left. All she can do is reach forward and pull his body into hers. Pull him close and press her lips against his. Beg for his forgiveness with her touch.

He picks her off her feet, his own lips begging for forgiveness he didn't know he needed. 

When they finally make it to their bedroom, he lays her down on sheets he'd covered in rose petals. He'd expected a celebration, but now the petals felt reminders of all the ways he'd screwed up. He felt guilty for pushing her, for scaring her. He felt himself getting distracted. With every kiss she offers him, he feels a rose petal press against his hands and he pulls away from her just a bit. 

"Please come back to me." She asks in a breathy tone. "Please come forgive me." She begs as she pulls him down and helps him remove his shirt. 

It's her words and her touch and memories of all their nights together and all their nights apart that finally melts his own fears and trepidation. He presses his body against hers and kisses the side of her neck. 

She moans in pleasure as his hands travel down her body and reach under the hem of her dress. Before she even realizes it, the dress and lace lingerie she'd been wearing is gone and she can feel his bare chest pressed against hers.

She reaches down to undo his belt and once he's free of all his clothes she sits astride him. She bends forward and begs forgiveness with kisses. She begs forgiveness for her fear as she caresses his body with her tongue. She begs forgiveness with the slow and steady motion of her hips and takes the tiny bruises from his grip on her as penance for her cowardice.

She draws out the penance as long as she can as long as he lets her. And when he's ready for more he sits up to hold her, to beg his own forgiveness. He thrusts into her with force, as if somehow pushing deeper will push her closer. They moan together as their bodies connect and speak the words they can no longer say. 

Neither are sure how long they spend seeking forgiveness. And when they finally speak when they finally say "I love you" they both break and become whole all at once. Their breath returns in stuttered spurts. Their muscles loosen. Their sweat slicked bodies grant absolution to one another in a way their words never could. 

Hours later they're still wrapped in each other's arms. They've allowed their bodies to heal each other, their touch to soothe their pain. They've allowed their hearts to accept their love fully. 

"I'm ready Matt." She doesn't look at him. Just clings to him like a life raft in an endless sea. 

"No Alex, I don't need that." He wants her to know that and he thought she'd understood, that she'd forgiven him for asking. 

"But I do Matt." She looks up at him and the earnestness in her eyes takes him aback. 

"Alex?" He says almost breathless at the sight of her wrapped in his arms. 

"Matt will you marry me?" He's too stunned to speak. 

"I just don't think I'll ever get over you."

**Author's Note:**

> So. Yeah.... did you like it?


End file.
